Anger… that uncontrollable emotion driven by high blood pressure. It’s not all bad to feel angry. It’s a normal emotion much like all our other emotions. It is excessive anger that is bad. And when there is this kind of excessive anger in relationships, it becomes difficult to deal with it. Your partner loves you, and so they’ll probably accept your anger as a part of your personality, but after a while, they’ll start losing it too. Over time, they will find the relationship toxic, and maybe, even leave.
Being angry about something is fine, but anger in relationships can make your partner feel afraid of you, or they will start hiding stuff from you knowing it’ll tick you off. That’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, is it? Excessive anger is a deep-rooted emotion, and there’s probably a reason why you get so angry. It’s something that needs fixing from your end because no matter how forgiving your partner is, they don’t deserve this kind of behavior.
There are things you can do and implement in your routine life so that you can control the anger in relationships. Eventually, you will end up controlling it in other areas of your life too. You ready for this?
How to control anger in relationships?
These 9 tips will help you with ways to control anger in relationships, so you can let your partner feel safe to be themselves around you and fearlessly share what they wish to.
1. Practice the Pause
The moment you start to feel angry, you’ll notice some visible signs like your heart beating faster or some trembling. That differs from person to person. It is at this moment that you make the mindful attempt to pause. Stop yourself from saying what you would otherwise say, pause, think, and then speak. You’ll avoid a lot of emotional damage to your partner.
2. Identify your Triggers
Once you know what it is exactly that makes you upset, you can communicate the same to your partner and request them to avoid pulling on those. They can probably find other ways to express what they wish to without triggering you. In this way, you will feel a lot less angry, and in the meantime, you can work on overcoming your triggers too.
3. Practice deep breathing
The moment you feel like your anger is catching up, condition yourself in a way that you immediately redirect your mind to practice deep breathing. This will help you stay calm and respond with a lot less rage than usual. The anger in relationships will slowly fade as you will learn to control it with this exercise. But to put this into practice, you will have to make a conscious effort. Start counting when you feel the anger kicking in, and slowly begin deep breathing.
4. Find past issues
While working on controlling your anger in relationships, it would be best if you find out why you feel so angry. There’s surely something from the past that you are holding back, resulting in outbursts. Unfortunately, your partner is facing the brunt of it. Maybe it’s time you let go? Find what it is- is it something you saw, felt, did, survived, faced, or disliked? Something from the past? Face it, and let go of it.
5. Walk Away
Sometimes, it’s best you walk away from the situation. Explain to your partner how you are working on controlling your anger in relationships, and that they shouldn’t feel offended if you walk away. When you do that, your partner will get the hint that you are angry enough but are attempting to calm matters there. You, on the other hand, will get to calm down and respond when your anger is not overpowering your other emotions.
6. Practice Humor to Break tension
There’s no better way to control anger in relationships than by using humour. Of course, you should have a good judgement about what you should joke about and what not, but it’s always best if you practice the breathing exercise first and then crack your partner up about something you’ll are doing or something you feel. It’ll lighten the mood up in an instant, and you can go back to the discussion feeling much lighter than before.
7. Be apologetic when you go overboard
We cannot control what we really say when extremely angry. Anger in relationships can damage a lot, and sometimes, it is beyond repair. When you realize that things went overboard, it’s best you responsibly own up your mistakes and apologize. Some time later, you will become conditioned to doing it less because you’ll not want to go through the hurt, pain, or apology anymore. Slowly, the anger will phase out.
8. Focus on Responding
Most times, we’re unable to control anger in relationships because we speak to react. The moment our partner says something, we immediately react to it. It would be so much better if you actually take the time to actively listen to what they’re saying, read between the lines than misunderstanding, and then respond. When you let your sentences breathe, anger takes a you-turn.
9. Seek professional help
If you feel like no matter what you try, the anger doesn’t seem to lessen, then you ought to seek professional help so you can save all your relationships. A therapist might help you find the source of your anger, triggers, and reactions. Accordingly, you’ll be able to practice controlling anger in relationships.
Don’t let anger ruin something as beautiful as your relationship. Let your partner feel secure around you. Lest they start tiptoeing around you. When that happens, they’ll start to feel like you are a controlling partner, even though it’s just your anger that’s coming in their way of not having to hide feelings or things. Accept that your partner is human, and they’re entitled to making their own mistakes, choosing their own lifestyle, and expressing what they feel. But in fear of your anger, they might be too scared to open up in front of you, and you might not like that either.
If you wish to overcome relationship issues, reach out to me for relationship coaching, and together, we can achieve milestones. There’s no issue that we cannot resolve as long as we really want to make it work. To book a session, click here.
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