Hemali AdhiyaGood things take time. You’ve heard that before, haven’t you? When it comes to relationships, building a happy and healthy relationship requires time. In the beginning, it all seems like life hasn’t been better. Because we’re trying to be our best selves for our partners. But with time, we tend to settle into a routine, and we start to understand our partner’s true selves. Like their living styles, choices, circles, and almost everything else. It is at this stage that we need to practice patience in relationships, so things don’t blow up in the opposite direction.
Showing patience in relationships means you care enough for it to work. It’s that maturity that you’re willing to overcome the personality differences and the varied love languages because you’re invested enough to make this work. And that’s sweet! But what you should also remember is that this effort should be a two-way process. It shouldn’t be as though you are the only one taking things with patience and your partner takes it for granted that this is one of your personalities and so they try to control things for the both of you.
But exactly does one practice patience in relationships? It requires you to make conscious choices, and here’s how you do it!
How to have patience in relationships?
1. Become a good listener
When the relationship begins to ripen, you will start to realize that you two might have difference of opinions on several matters. At this stage, the yelling, hanging up, and silent treatment could the essence. Become a good listener when trying to practice patience in relationships. Listen, understand where they’re coming from, and then express your point of view. It will urge your partner to reciprocate by listening to you too. Working on patience in relationships will become a habit in the longer run, not just between you both but in all other areas of life.
2. Don’t attempt changing them
This process of patience in relationships is the phase when you try to understand each other. During this process, learn well about each other’s likes and dislikes instead of trying to change everything. Don’t expect your partner to change for you.
3. Don’t expect things to always go according to you
A part of working on patience in relationships is accepting that things will not go how you want them to all the time. You’re now getting out of the “I decide for my own self” to “let’s see what we want to do together.” There’s a possibility your partner might not want the same thing as you at that moment. It’ll require patience to let go of some things, and let things go their way. Or, you can always find a mutual way that makes the both of you happy.
4. Focus on the positives
While exploring each other in your relationship, you will find a lot of things in your partner that you dislike. As long as it isn’t something major that comes in the way of your lifestyle, respect, or other needs, treat them as just another thing, and let go. Focus on their positives and why you felt attracted to them in the first place. Perfect is a myth, anyway. Accept their flaws just as they would be trying to accept yours. For example, if your partner takes time to get ready, and that annoys you, accept it. Maybe that’s just how long they need to get ready and get patient with it.
5. Close your eyes and imagine the consequences
So, what really will happen if there is no patience in relationships? You’re probably unwilling to give your partner time to understand you. Slowly things start feeling rushed up. Now imagine what the consequences of impatience will be? It’ll cause a rift, slowly you’ll drift apart, and things might not work out. Analyze if the things you are impatient about really matter when it comes to your future together. If it doesn’t look such a big deal, then let go!
6. Communicate uncomfortable feelings
If there’s something in your relationship or about your partner that you feel uncomfortable about, talk it out, but with patience. The best way to do this is to observe if it is just a one-time thing or a pattern. If it is a pattern, then don’t immediately react to it in anger. Give yourself the time to think about how you want to put things forth, and then communicate it to your partner. If handled maturely, your partner will also get the space to understand what you’re saying and avoid making you feel that way.
7. Invest your energy elsewhere when you feel impatient
Maybe your partner has asked you for some time to deal with certain things in life or to even confess their feelings towards you. It could also be something work-related for which your partner has requested your time. Instead of pacing up and down in life and letting your heart get the best of you, invest your energy elsewhere. Write your feelings as you wait, let your partner know you are supportive of them, and focus on something else, a hobby, an outing, maybe? Develop patience in relationships so you can keep all anxious thoughts out of the way.
8. Stray from social media hoax
Not everything you see on social media is true. Couples who post happy pictures all day long tend to have some of the most complicated relationships. Don’t compare yourself to them and it affects what’s happening between you two. Don’t compare your relationship to somebody else’s you see on social media for the views and become impatient about all the things you don’t have in your relationship. When you see something you like, give them a like, and get back to your relationship for real. Simple as that.
9. Don’t forget self-love
Like I said in the beginning, patience in relationships requires effort from two people. If you feel like your partner is taking advantage of your patience or that they’re taking it for granted, you need to talk it out. Set your boundaries straight right from the beginning and explain to your partner how your patience is your attempt at understanding them better, and that you would appreciate they also practiced the same to get to know you. You love yourself above all, and you shouldn’t feel pushed, cornered, or controlled!
10. Give space, take space!
When trying to practice patience in relationships, ensure you give and take enough space. Patience doesn’t come without taking a breather. So, when feeling restless or impatient about something, take some time off and think about everything that’s happening. Introspect about the situation and then get back together again. Until then, it’s best to take that space so you both don’t end up responding in anger or any other overpowering emotion.
Patience in relationships is not a pre-requisite only when you’re trying to understand each other, but even later in your relationship. It will become a habit and you will be comfortable around each other. And when I say each other, I mean the flaws, the attractions, the likes, the dislikes, and almost everything else. If you find it difficult to set into the patience stage, you can always try relaxing exercises like trying to count, responding with appropriate humor, and even asking for some time off and then coming back to the discussion.
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