Hemali AdhiyaIn today’s century, many youth or youngsters are involved in a relationship where they find an abusive partner or controlling partner. Are you worried if you or your partner is too controlling over the other? No relationship is perfect. Relationships have highs and lows and you’re allowed to have disagreements but some relationships are too toxic and unhealthy to stay in. Having a controlling relationship with a partner is a form of emotional abuse and it can have far-reaching effects on your life.
What is a Controlling Partner?
Talking about controlling partners and what it feels like a lot of times when we’re in that type of a relationship we don’t know when we’re in it. We can be so kind of convoluted and confused with all the muck that’s going on. A lot of times, women especially when they end relationships they don’t even know that they have a controlling partner or even if they do know they’re not sure what to do.
If you, at all, are being physically hurt in your relationship, if your partner is hitting you, punching you, kicking you, biting you, shoving you anything physical that is not OK, that is 100% not healthy, it’s not safe and you should not be in that type of a relationship.
If you’re in a relationship or you know somebody who is in a relationship and things don’t seem quite right. So maybe you’re in a relationship and some things have been coming up and it doesn’t seem quite right and you’re kind of having this gut feeling that something is off.
Pay attention to that. No, it doesn’t mean that necessarily this person is going to become violent with you but if something doesn’t feel right, start paying attention to that and not just sort of pushing it aside or justifying it or pretending that it’s not there. We need to be paying better attention to our Gut, into our intuition, and listening to that with more intention.
What is violence? What are the signs of a controlling partner? So what do we need to be looking out for? What are the characteristics of a controlling partner?
In a relationship, a controlling partner is one where the person tries to dominate you. Your partner doesn’t understand your opinions and your decisions and feels insecure and guilty whether it is your mistake or not. A controlling partner is a form of abusive partner if you have any of these feelings you may be in an abusive relationship. Some signs of controlling partner might include
10 Warning Signs of Controlling Partner
1. Aggression
1st one is that they can be quite aggressive so verbally or behaviorally they act out or they’re even often in fights or brawls or kerfuffles that they typically are just kind of an aggressive person. People always remember how you make them feel. When dealing with passive-aggressive people, you want to be tough and demanding but then retreat with a sorry because of the fear. Aggression is toxic, especially passive-aggressive behavior, which is often referred to as covered or sneaky aggression.
So we just need to become more aware of and be able to see what’s going on because it can mess us up big time if we survive in such relationships.
This warning sign of a controlling partner is one that has been observed in several relationships. They’ll often blame stress, anger, and other such reasons for their aggression, but that’s excusable only when it’s uncommon. Not every day!
2. Binge drinking
Another warning sign of a controlling partner is binge drinking that increases the cause of violence in relationships. Alcohol is the most privileged substance that people use to enjoy and destress, but excessive drinking could ruin relationships. When we drink, it interferes with our daily process. It interferes with the communication between the brain and the rest of the body. It cuts us off with our intuition so we lose a lot. Can such a person differentiate between control and uncontrolled?
It just doesn’t make sense! A controlling partner will not just listen to suggestions but might also control how much their partner drinks. They do whatever comes to their mind. No matter which kind of control, it always ends up hurting the person who is a victim of a controlling relationship.
3. Getting upset over little things
The above two signs were very common to a controlling partner. The third sign you need to look out for is- does your partner get upset over little things? Like making a plan without consulting with them, hanging out with your friends without them, leaving the house without informing them, not keeping the house the way they want it to be kept, not being on time or coming too late, etc etc etc. Little things, right? They’re easily fixable with discussions. But if you’re partner gets upset over such issues, it means they’re unwilling to let go and want things to happen just the way they want things.
4. Cannot handle stress
A controlling partner cannot deal with stress very effectively. Either they’ll act like it’s no big deal or they will overreact to it. And the way they deal with it, they’ll expect their partners to deal with it. They oftentimes have an incongruent way of reacting to that stress. So something small might happen and they might react in really kind of extreme ways that may become volatile or aggressive or they might withdraw. A partner’s reaction to stress could therefore be often mistaken. For example, if you just need time to deal with something, they’d reprimand you for it because they’re not that way.
When the emotions are yours, why should the way you deal with them depend on someone else? A controlling partner is simply who you don’t need on bad days!
5. My mood, my way!
A controlling partner is also very moody and expects others to function according to their moods. You don’t know what you’re going to get with them. They’re unpredictable, they can be argumentative, impulsive, suspicious, jealous, or resentful of people quite often. They hang on to a lot of bitterness, resentment, and hostility. A controlling partner oftentimes has the sort of this sense of inadequacy they don’t feel good enough.
They feel hopeless or powerless so they just sort of act out in more extreme ways and spill the same mood out on their partners.
6. Never considers you
A controlling partner will always end up wanting what they want. They will not consider their partner, their needs, wants, likings, mood, etc. Whether it is about tending to a sick partner or a busy one, someone who is controlling wouldn’t really care much about any of it. They’ll only focus more on their needs, wants, and moods. There are several points in such relationships with their partner who ends up screaming, “You’re very selfish.”
They’re right about that; an inconsiderate partner is indeed selfish.
7. Speaks more; doesn’t listen
In any kind of relationship, we need people who listen and not just speaks. A controlling partner may not always be a good listener but may always be a good speaker. They will ensure they have all their points of argument and will not be willing to listen to the response. They will interrupt constantly and might even put words into your mouth and misinterpret almost everything. Why? Because they’re not good listeners.
If you’re with a person on the first date, you’ll find the person speak only about themselves and hardly ever ask a question. That’s a subtle sign that the person is someone who wants to control situations and potentially wants to control you in the future.
9. Want you to Consult with them
Another very irritating sign of a controlling partner is that they want their partner to consult with them at all times. They want people to ask for their approval at all times, whether it is the way they dress, where you go, or who you should go with. Whether it is about a new job or where you’re going for dinner, such a partner would never want you to decide these things alone.
Their opinion is very important for them and they want to feel heard all the time. Of course, a controlling partner also has a double standard because they wouldn’t consult you for anything, small or big. You start feeling early on that they have a strong point of view that infringes on your freedom in a way that doesn’t feel healthy.
9. Makes you feel guilty or shameful
Unfortunately, a controlling partner doesn’t feel like they can also make mistakes. They’ll end up manipulating situations in a manner that make their partner feel guilty about everything that goes wrong. But of course, the same people wouldn’t want to credit their partner for something they did.
10. They want their partners to suffer the same
In our list of the signs of a controlling partner, the last one to look out for is that the partner enforces you to feel the pain they feel. At the same time, they’re not sensitive to their partner’s pain, and that messes everything up.
If you’re experiencing any of these signs, it’s probably time to think about it. It’s probably the reason why you’re not feeling like yourself or aren’t happy. Only you can put an end to it. Take a stand for yourself and never suffer anything that can damage yourself and your mental health.
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