Shruti MehtaA relationship should be an organic bond where two partners equally invest their time, energies, and efforts to make things work. But each individual is different and their way of expressing emotions differs as well. Some might believe in showing emotions and affection by small gestures or going all out, while others might be very vocal about how they feel.
Care, concern, communication, and compromise are some of the most important C’s of a relationship. But what happens when a partner is hell-bent on arguing over little things and is absolutely refusing to compromise, even on the smallest things? This might confuse you and on questioning them, they will go all defensive and put their guards up. You might float in the pool of frustration but we are here to offer you answers and put an end to your dilemma. Any person flaunting these traits is showing emotional immaturity in relationships.
You must be wondering what is emotional immaturity in relationships and what are its signs. In today’s post, we will take a closer look at the same. If you wish to acquire the answers to these questions, stay tuned till the end of the post!
What is Emotional Immaturity in Relationships?
You all must be familiar with the concept of immaturity but the term emotional immaturity might have caught you off guard. And emotional immaturity in relationships? It must be confusing but we will simplify it for you in this post.
Emotional immaturity can be defined as a person’s inability to express emotions or cope with emotions that are serious in nature. Individuals who are emotionally immature tend to overreact, overdramatize, or pull the entire focus on themselves. In many situations, they face difficulties in handling their emotions effectively and may act recklessly.
The emotional immaturity of an individual can have a negative impact on their relationship. This is because such people lack the ability to hold serious conversations or communicate freely. They try to crack jokes during serious emotional conflicts or deny their part in the conflict to avoid such a situation altogether. Such individuals also suffer on a professional front as their ability to learn new skills is hampered.
Communication is the most effective way to resolve a conflict. An emotionally mature individual will be able to sit down and have a discussion with their partner. On the contrary, an emotionally immature individual will get defensive and is likely to deny their part in the conflict or argument. If confronted, they will try their best to avoid the discussion. They might even blame their partners if things get out of hand or might retort to name-calling.
Unsupportive parents, trauma, abuse, untreated addiction or mental health issues, and insecure attachments during early life experiences are reported to be some of the major causes of emotional immaturity. To understand the concept better, let us gain insight into the signs of emotional immaturity.
6 Significant Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships
1. The Future Talk
Just imagine, that you and your partner have been in a relationship for quite some time. You gift them a trip together to their favorite holiday destination on account of their birthday. After having a totally fun-filled day, you both are having dinner in a restaurant and you casually bring up some of the future plans that you envision with them. At this mention, they suddenly start acting cold and you are absolutely baffled at their response wondering what went wrong.
An emotionally immature person will not like to think about the future but just live in the moment. Though they claim that they like going with the flow, it is just a garb to avoid commitment and the responsibilities that come along with it. If they do not envision a future with you, they will not bring it up at all and avoid conflicts. But if they do envision a future with you, they will face many difficulties in expressing the same.
2. Inadequate Communication
The difficulties in expressing ourselves bring us to our next sign of emotional immaturity, which is inadequate communication. We truly believe that constant communication is the key to a happy, constructive relationship. Just give it a thought, you and your partner work continuously on your communication. This has led to the development of a practice that whenever you both are having an argument or are at loggerheads, you both let your anger simmer down and express your views as well as listen to your partner and resolve the conflict. But what happens to those whose partners are not ready to share or communicate at all?
A person who is emotionally immature will hold back and not share their feelings and fears with you. They will maintain only a surface-level bond with you and despite being together for a long time, you will feel that you do not know them at all. They have a hard time sharing what they feel about certain changes in the relationship or addressing certain issues that can have a huge impact on the relationship. Not only the major issues but they also face difficulties in voicing their feelings and opinions. They might joke about not having feelings or even boast that nothing affects them. But this is just a facade to hide their inability to express and communicate.
3. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
We have said this time and again that a relationship should be like a safe haven where both partners feel secure in each other’s presence and they feel that there is someone looking out for them even if their partner is away from them. Along with all of these, emotional intimacy is absolutely necessary for a relationship! You can click here to know some habits to build emotional intimacy in a relationship. But what happens when you feel lonely in your relationship?
Emotional immaturity is also reflected in the emotional intimacy of a relationship. The surface-level connection enforces the lack of emotional intimacy. Thus, when an emotionally immature individual is unable to connect with you on a deeper level, you will start feeling lonely despite being in a relationship. You might do everything to make them feel special and cherished like helping around the house, taking note of likes, dislikes, habits, and much more but this is not reciprocated by an emotionally immature individual. They will not look out for you in a similar way and will not help out in the relationship either.
4. The Argument Pattern
Arguments are part and parcel of every relationship. In a relationship, two individuals might be very different from each other and so might their opinions. This might cause them to have disagreements or arguments. But effective communication will empower them to resolve their issues patiently and make them respect each other’s opinions as well. A relationship can survive arguments only when both partners truly forgive each other and move on. But what happens when your partner is blinded by anger and holds grudges?
Emotional immaturity facilitates an individual to hold grudges. Such people get very angry. They will be unable to hold their emotions towards you and often lash out at you. Taking accountability for their actions is out of the question. While having a conflict, they might just get very defensive and are likely to blame you for the whole situation. Constructive criticism and sharing opinions might be totally off the charts as they might think that you are trying to ‘hurt’ them and they might even resort to name-calling. They will never compromise and thus you will have to take the initiative to apologize for the argument.
5. The Selfish Behavior
Being selfless is essential for a relationship. Your relationship will thrive only when you and your partner give in efforts and it is reciprocated as well. A relationship will go through hurdles and many tests. But the true victory is when you and your partner have each other’s back no matter what! But what happens when you are having a terrible day and your partner just does not care?
Emotional immaturity peeks through the selfish behavior of a person. In a successful relationship, your partner would be with you through thick and thin and all the highs and lows. They will have your back even when you are having the worst stressful day. But an emotionally immature person will not be there to support you in your tough times. They will not lend you a shoulder to cry on when you are having a bad day. Instead, they will be suddenly too busy for you and shut down to avoid such a situation.
Their emotional immaturity and selfishness will also show when they will make decisions and will not consider you at all, even if the decision will have an impact on you and your relationship. They will not even make sure that you both are on the same page regarding important decisions.
6. The Clinginess
A relationship develops when two individuals learn to respect each other’s choices, boundaries, and priorities. Even if you both are not on the same page regarding certain things, it is crucial to respect each other opinions and make sure not to do something that makes your partner uncomfortable. But what happens when your partner does not respect your boundaries at all?
How to deal with emotional immaturity in relationships?
Emotional immaturity is highlighted when a partner tends to be very clingy and has no regard for personal boundaries or well-being. They will poke their nose into your every affair and will keep tabs on you, always wanting to know what are you up to and who are you hanging with. Despite this, they will always be detached when you need their support or during a stressful situation.
A relationship with an emotionally immature person can turn toxic very quickly. Thus, it is important to make the concerned person understand and try to take couples coaching or approach a therapist. If you wish to seek aid from an ICF-certified relationship, marriage, life, and grief coach, click here and book an appointment today.
With these last words, we come to the end of yet another post. We hope that our post “What Is Emotional Immaturity? 6 Significant Signs” proves to be helpful for you. Let us know your thoughts on emotional immaturity in the comments below. We would also love to know what would you like to read next in the comments. Subscribe to read more such updates and follow us on Instagram where we post some amazing affirmations, polls, quizzes, and much more!
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I’m guilty with this article, and that is the character that I is when I’m dealing with my kids is that I got to shouting at them about either minor or major issues. And this is because of stress due to work and sometimes out of depression. And I don’t want them to experience emotional abuse because my behavior is the reason I seek help from therapists/counselors.
As long as you’re already on the path to fixing it, there’s no stopping you! More power to you 🙂