Hemali AdhiyaFor years people have fought the insecurity game, leaving many relationships broken, and people’s trust broken. Insecurities in a relationship arise due for various reasons. Sometimes, it’s the opposite person that’s responsible, and sometimes, it’s sourced from our inner selves. Either way, insecurity is one of those relationship dilemmas that leaves one gasping for answers and peace.
Here’s the news, “Insecurity is majorly sourced out WITHIN you.”
Blaming the partner, or anyone else for that matter isn’t valid when it comes to insecurities in a relationship, because as the famous saying says, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Similarly, nobody can make you feel insecure unless you give them a chance.
This article on dealing with insecurities in a relationship is a self-development guide to overcoming these feelings of restlessness and staying at peace with your relationship. As long as you haven’t done anything that comes in the way of your relationship, there’s nothing to worry about. IF your partner is doing something behind your back (just giving you an example), there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Okay? So, relax. Attract positivity.
Understanding Insecurity
What is insecurity? It’s that self-doubt, the feeling of inferiority, the sense of feeling left out, and feeling under-confident about yourself. The question is, why feel that way? Psychologically speaking, insecurities in a relationship usually find their source in events in the past. Events like sibling rivalry during childhood, being ditched by friends, being cheated upon in another relationship, etc. are all common reasons for developing feelings of insecurity. These are called “attachment wounds.”
Some even say that insecurity arises from a lack of self-esteem. When you feel like you’re lacking, you’ll always feel like there’s something better going on in your partner’s life, and the insecurity creeps in.
In some rare cases, the partner could also be responsible for insecurity. They might know the triggers and behave accordingly to enrage you. It could either be a prank or it may just be their way of life. But sparking these insecurities in a relationship in a way that triggers someone they love is not acceptable. In such cases, you need to talk about it openly and put an end to it.
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Common Signs of Insecurity
One could manifest their insecurities in a relationship in several ways. But there are some common signs of insecurities that are unavoidable. Before jumping into dealing with them, let us take a look at these signs. Identify if you display any such behaviors or if you’ve observed the same in your partner.
- A constant need to check the partner’s phone
- Wanting to know where your partner is all the time
- Excessive jealousy when your partner speaks to someone else
- Hiding emotions of jealousy from your partner
- Need for constant reassurance
- Striking unhealthy arguments in the name of doubts
- Difficulty in trusting
- Overthinking about your partner’s whereabouts
- Panicking when not in touch
- Developing intimacy is difficult
- Fretting even when there’s no reason to fret
These are some of the common insecurities in a relationship that some exhibit. Now here’s something I need you to know. If you feel like you relate to some of the signs I mentioned above, don’t beat yourself about it already. Take some deep breaths and try to accept this part of you. There’s NOTHING you cannot overcome, and if insecurity is something you’re willing to work upon, then there’s no stopping you.
Let’s do it together, shall we? Here are some tips to deal with the various insecurities in a relationship.
Internalize this process, and to measure your growth, start journaling these steps. Write about how you felt about the situation, mention the steps you took from the tips below. Revisit these thoughts after a few days or a week and write if you could successfully implement it, and how it made you feel. Observe if things have changed, and celebrate your milestones!
How to deal with Insecurities in a Relationship?
1. Accept Your Insecurities
It begins from the start. To cope with something, you need to come to terms with it first. In this case, accept that you do have some insecurities in a relationship so that you can look forward to solving them. This is the kind of conversation that you need to have with yourself. Therefore, there’s no scope for fear or anxiety. Writing it down helps to a great extent. You can also talk to yourself about it and express how you feel about those situations when you feel insecure.
2. Identify your Triggers
What is it that your partner does when you feel insecure? How often do you feel it? When did you first realize that this is bothering you? Ask yourself these important questions. Once you identify your triggers in this self-questioning manner, you’ll be more mindful the next time you find yourself in the same situation. You will remember listing down these triggers, and there is a possibility that you might stop yourself from reacting to them.
3. Divert your mind to the Present
You cannot be in a relationship with someone if you are not living in the present. What happened in the past, you need to leave behind. What could possibly happen in the future is not in your hands. What is it that you have? The present! It is the time when you can build some beautiful memories with your partner. And this is the kind of past you want to remember tomorrow.
Every time thoughts like, “What if he/she is lying to me?” haunt your mind, immediately take control of the situation in the present. Don’t avoid the red flags, yes, but also don’t be too doubting. Unless you see supportive signs of lying or cheating, you don’t have a reason to doubt. Tell yourself, “Everything’s okay.” Take a few deep breaths, and keep yourself busy with something else.
4. You don’t need reassurance
A major sign of insecurities in a relationship is the need for reassurance. Stop seeking it from your partner. Rather, give yourself the reassurance that you are good enough to be loved, and to be in a healthy relationship, You look good, you are a wonderful person, and everything about you is so lovable! The moment you feel insecure about something, remind yourself about the positives. A sense of confidence will take over, making you more satisfied with yourself than ever.
5. Set secure boundaries for your relationship
What is the opposite of the word insecure? It is SECURE, indeed. And we all have our need to feel secure in a relationship. Figure out your boundaries to feel secure. Express these very boundaries to your partner so they can ensure they don’t upset you by crossing any of these significant lines of security. Feeling secure is important when dealing with insecurities in a relationship.
6. Focus on Self-love- Meditate, Be Independent
It’s like I said, internalize this process. When you love yourself enough, there isn’t enough scope left for anyone else to make you feel lesser or insecure. Most of these insecurities in a relationship arise because of self-doubt. The mind feels like a mess and your body craves peace. Give in, then. Meditate upon your thoughts to clear the mess. Do things independently, without your partner. Have a separate circle of friends, and enjoy your time off from your partner. Trust me, you’ll be far from feeling insecure.
7. Communicate your Insecurities
If there is something that your partner is doing unintentionally, then they ought to know it’s upsetting you. An emotionally mature person will accept your conversation and deal with it comfortingly. Communicate what makes you feel insecure and find a mutual way to deal with it. There’s no blame game. It’s a simple, mature conversation about the things you feel, actions your partner can avoid, and feelings you need to overcome.
8. Journal your thoughts
Once again, write about the things that bother you, and try to overcome them by setting goals to overcome them. (Feel free to reach out to me for professional coaching.) Nonetheless, you can do it by yourself too by feeling lighter by writing down your thoughts and trying to implement ways to overcome these insecurities in a relationship.
9. See a Therapist or a Coach
If you’re unable to take control of the matters and you find that it is affecting several of your relationships, it is time you seek professional help. A therapist will help you locate your triggers by taking you through past incidents. A coach, like myself, will help you understand what exactly you need (in this case overcome insecurity), and set goals and methods to overcome this once and for all, making you independent enough to deal with this on your own. Either way, it will help to deal with your insecurities in a relationship!
If you’re taking up this challenge to deal with the insecurities in a relationship, then here’s sending you some strength. Don’t make the fact that you have insecurities feel any different. It’s just like everything else we deal with in our lives. You’ve got this!
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