Hemali AdhiyaA relationship makes no sense if there’s no commitment in it. Sometimes, we like someone or think someone likes us, and you may even get together to become a couple. But if there is an underlying cause of commitment issues from either of the partners, the relationship is never going to be a happy one. The one with the issue or the one facing the issue will end up walking on different paths despite deciding to be one in love.
But then again, commitment issues don’t arise out of the blue. It usually has something to do with some past triggers. No one is born with this kind of phobia. But the good news is there are effective ways to deal with it if one really wants to. Dealing with commitment issues depends on first recognizing that this is what is coming in the way of your relationship.
If you feel like you’re the one who has these commitment issues or you observe these signs with your partner, then it’s time you start working on fixing it so you can save your wonderful relationship.
Commitment Issues meaning?
Commitment typically means dedicating oneself to something. And when the person is not able to hold onto that dedication, it is called commitment issues. But ignoring them for too long isn’t very healthy for the self or for those they are in love with. The outcome of every commitment is in the future. So, a commitment-phobic will always keep all conversations and thoughts about the future far from the scene.
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Signs of Commitment Issues
Whether you feel like it is you who palpitates or feels uncomfortable every time you think or talk about the future or you find your partner isn’t reacting in this manner, then you might want to reconfirm these signs. Somewhere, deep down, you already know what you’re feeling, and might be not able to talk about it either, but reading these signs will help you accept that you do have commitment issues. With that acceptance, you’ll have to take the decision of wanting to overcome it, and for the better.
1. Never initiates plans with the partner
Plans with friends might happen a lot or even in a group of friends too. But one with commitment phobia will hardly ever make plans with a partner. They will never be the one to say, “Hey, it’s been a long time since the both of us went out together, let’s go on a date,” or “We should plan a trip.” They might not say no when their partner who doesn’t have commitment issues suggest any such plans, but they won’t be the ones to initiate them either.
2. There’s no talk about the relationship’s future
After the relationship has been a while, a person who isn’t commitment-phobic will start thinking about what next. But not someone with commitment issues. They will neither think about the future nor want to talk about it. Such a person will say things like, “Let’s see where it goes,” or “I haven’t really thought about it.” That’s because the future is never a consideration for them.
3. There’s too much anxiety about the relationship
We are in relationships because it makes us happy. But if it is making one feel anxious with questions about how things are going, if they want it to work, what will happen next, and should it even continue further, are all signs of commitment issues.
4. There is a lack of emotional attachment
It’s very difficult to feel attached to someone who has commitment issues. Because if there’s no dedication, it means the person isn’t giving their 100% to the relationship. Then how can one feel attached to the person? There’s no fear of losing them, so there’s no chance of forming an attachment.
5. Never been in a long-term relationship
Whether it is you who has commitment issues or it is your partner, you’ll find that there would have never been a long-term relationship in the past. The issues usually spill over in all the relationships you or your partner has been in and so you might fight your future with the person rocky.
6. Less responsibility to stay in touch
It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? With a lack of dedication towards someone or something, the lack of effort towards building or maintaining something is also a difficulty. One with commitment issues will always take responding to their partner lightly. You might send out texts, but the response will always be delayed, and it is not because they’re always busy. Texts and calls give them the realization that they’re getting serious where they actually have to respond to someone.
7. Poor communication habits
A person with commitment issues will not want to keep a healthy communication habit with their partners. The partner may try, but it will hardly ever meet with a healthy response. The moment the partner starts to express something, the commitment-phobic partner will want to end the communication with either silence, walking out of the room, or even anger. They would never want to build that kind of relationship where you can freely talk about life, feelings, emotions, wants, or needs.
8. The behavior is inconsistent
Inconsistent behavior is one of the primary signs of commitment issues in a relationship. So, one moment they will be kind, nice, or act so in love with you, but a few days later, they’ll act like they are feeling suffocated in the relationship. They’ll say or behave in a manner that makes the other partner feel unwanted or unloved in the relationship.
It’s pretty evident from these signs of commitment issues in relationships that neither of these is healthy for either of the partners. The reasons for acting this way could be plentiful. Maybe, there’s never been a good example of a relationship at home while growing up. Personal bad experiences in previous relationships. Being trust-broken by others in the past. All of these could be triggers for someone to become commitment-phobic. Living in a lot of fear of finding the right person or right partner could also lead to similar issues.
As a coach, I always choose to believe that there’s no problem we cannot overcome in life. So, this is something anyone can overcome too. Here are some tips on how one can deal with commitment issues. If you feel it is your partner who’s commitment-phobic, you can share this article with them, so they get the hint.
Tips to Overcome Commitment Issues
- Accept that you do have commitment issues before trying to deal with them.
- Talk about it– this could either be self-talk to help yourself out of this phase. You could also talk to somebody else you trust or even your partner. There’s the possibility they’ll help you out of it.
- Find your trigger– When is it that you first realized that you feel uncomfortable about being in a long-term relationship or that there’s anxiety about the future. Once you do, try journaling those thoughts. The more you get it out of your system, the more you’ll be able to heal from it.
- What other areas are you not committed to?- Find the answer to this question. Is it just relationships towards which you’re feeling less committed? If not, then try practicing commitment in the other areas of your life first. Set up a schedule, a goal, and a time frame. The more you fulfill such small commitments, the more you’ll feel dedicated to the bigger things in life.
- Consider coaching- You might need professional help if you feel too disturbed about having these commitment issues. In this manner, you’ll be saving yourself from a lifetime of relationship troubles as long as it comes to commitment.
No relationship lasts without any commitment. Even if it does, it’s going to be one with too much drama, the unhealthy kind. If this person, or you, want your relationship to work, then accepting and moving on from this phobia will fix a lot for the future of the relationship. Without commitment, there’s never going to be a healthy attachment style with one another. The trust will never build.
But if you plan to fix these commitment issues, then every area of your life is going to benefit from it. The question is, “Do you want to?”
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