Hemali AdhiyaWhoa… Did I just pull out the big guns? Men? Chores? Household? Debate? Alright, let’s calm down a second! We’re not going to point fingers at anyone but simply share from experience of sharing house chores and answering the big question, should a man help around the house?
Women around the world complain, “I feel like I do all the housework,” or that “the husband doesn’t do anything around the house.” Of course, this doesn’t happen everywhere, but it does, and wherever it is, it is a big issue. While household chores might not be many people’s favorite things to do, we don’t have a choice, we just have to do it! Like me, for example, wasn’t someone who imagined taking care of these chores the way I say my mother do it. But here I am, three years into marriage, doing it all. But the question remains, should a man help around the house?
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Should a Man Help Around the House?
Alright, so first things first, no job in the world is possible without respecting it and the person doing it. Unfortunately, the gender-biased society forces people to divide household works to women and earnings to men. But times have changed and we have not just churned but also killed these age-old beliefs.
Women are now out in the world, and so, I go straight out to saying, that the question, should men help around the house, shouldn’t even be an issue anymore. Survival isn’t the same these days. The idea of a sole bread-winner is in the past, and both genders now walk hand-in-hand. Of course, the case with families with housewives is different. That doesn’t change the fact that they still need help.
My man, who I found after years of pining for the heartache to stop, is someone who respects the work I do and doesn’t shy from being help at home. On my down days or busy days, he takes up the responsibility of cooking at least one meal, despite his full-time job, classes, and me-time requirement. But, I must admit, it wasn’t always like this.
When we got married, I mostly took care of the chores and my job. Sometimes, we did argue about this issue, my point being, if we both earn, why can’t we both share home duties? The fact that over time, he understood how it was becoming difficult on my mind and body proved I wasn’t all wrong. And the way he shared responsibilities with me gave birth to my dream life of living a life of two intelligent, responsible equals.
The discussion of should a man help around the house was even carried forward in our group of friends, all with a different point of view. But what I did realize was that men aren’t always wrong. Sometimes, women, who’ve chosen to care for their house, get to nap through the day, have the privilege of caring for most of these chores, if not all, still demand unrealistic help from men after a long day’s work. My point is, men should help, yes, but when manageable, or if you’re not as loaded as they are, there’s no point fighting about it!
Problems also arise when there is comparison. No two families are the same and neither are two marriages. The deal, responsibilities, job roles, etc. are all different for different couples, and so the expectations from one man shouldn’t be the same as our BFF or neighbor.
Should men help around the house is more an argument in the houses where both members of the housework or where are there kids to look after. After all, being a mother is a full-time responsibility, and she deserves a little break from all the home and child responsibilities. While a job is a nine to six responsibility, she’s throwing herself and her back our twenty-four hours. So yes, a man should help around.
Our take on should a man help around the house is clear- Yes, yes, and then a big yes! What’s the harm anyway? Earn together, spend together, and accomplish things together. After all, we’re responsible for setting a good example to our future generations, aren’t we?
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How to Split Household Chores?
There’s a list of things to do around the house, and it’s time to quieten the debate of should a man help around the house. Financial planning, shopping, cleaning, cooking, errands, daycare, school, functions, and the list goes on! How about splitting these household duties between the two in a manner that isn’t stressful on any member of the house?
- Talk about it! Rather than thinking about, “Will he understand? What will people think? Is it right? Should a man help around the house or is it just me?” No! It’s not just you! Every busy woman struggles with this dilemma and the one, Sureshot way to get out of it is communicating your trouble. Sit him down, tell him. Ask for help! Not all men will voluntarily extend help. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ask for it or that he will turn it down.
- Prioritize-Sometimes, both of you are equally busy and neither of you can fulfill all household chores immediately. Prioritize, and check which ones need your immediate attention than fighting the battle of should a man help around the house. Maybe, he is as busy as you! Leave those tasks for the weekend and don’t stress about it.
- Stick to a schedule- Well, some men do help, but at their own time. That doesn’t work. Yes, you do fold the clothes or take out the garbage, but, it has to happen at its time. My husband and I playfully argued about this before when he said, “I don’t feel like doing it right now,” and I would reply, “I don’t feel like doing any of this ever. It is a matter of wanting to do it but about the need to do it.” Luckily, this doesn’t happen anymore!
- No, no nagging!- I knowwww.. it’s tough to not nag, but we just have to learn, don’t we! Sometimes, when we want things a certain way, we end up nagging. Avoiding nagging is peace, trust me! Both partners should do their work in their own ways, and there has to be an acceptance of each other’s styles.
- Hire house helps- Alright, so sometimes, it’s just not possible to get it all done. Rather than going off about how nothing’s going right in the house or if a man should help around a house, hiring a help solves many problems. A year ago, I had signed some amazing book-editing contracts, and I couldn’t say no to either of them. Sometimes, I ended up working through the night. But my husband was equally busy himself, preparing for a better job opportunity. So, we hired a cook for the evenings and a house help for cleaning so we could both relax for at least an hour in the evenings.
- Don’t take each other for granted- All said and done, a relationship or marriage invites trouble when they start taking each other for granted. If your man starts helping around, don’t overburden him with your share of work. And if your woman is taking care of a big load of things at home, respect, appreciate, and offer help.
Oh, help schwelp, at the end of the day, no marriage works on specific rules. You have your amazing love story and so your house should have your ways of running. Should a man help around the house or not will maybe not remain a debate a few generations down the lane, but today, we can move on from it and focus more on the beautiful lives we’re living together.
Household chores are not as big an issue as the other things going on in the world. With understanding and mutual respect, it’s just another thing that your marriage overcomes. Have realistic expectations from another, speak your hearts, and work towards a solution than discussing the obvious problem.
Of course, this article is for those fighting the question of should a man help around the house. Otherwise, there are men who’re already as on board with helping as any other woman. In fact, I’ve also met men who love coming back to clean homes, will run for errands at the drop of a hat, and even tend to their woman’s needs.
Remember, the thing holding your marriage together is love. So let love prevail and these issues don’t let you hit a rough patch. Understand one another, each other’s situations, and don’t create an environment based on anyone else’s house. Look at your wife or husband the way you do, and not how others do!
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