Hemali AdhiyaBeginning a new relationship with positivity is for the best because it makes you realize you’re true to yourself about finding someone. And the moment we start to fall for someone, we etch a mental list of all the things we like about them and all the things not. Hence, relationship red flags and relationship green flags! Attributing credit to the concept of traffic signals, we’re conditioned to understand that when we say red, it means “stop,” while green means “go.”
Relationship green flags are no different. It’s the qualities you enlist in the pros. In fact, you SHOULD watch out for these if you are looking for what we call a “healthy, mature relationship.” I feel like we’re always looking for the things we don’t like in people, especially when it comes to dating someone. And it’s justified for humans because we fear heartbreak and pain. But focusing on the positives will be as beneficial as observing the red flags.
As a relationship coach, I’ve always expressed to my clients that hold both pros and cons together, and evaluate which side is heavier. If the relationship green flags weigh more, there’s always a way to work through the red flags. But if the red flags weigh more and the pros are less, then it’s probably not worth your time.
Here’s the deal, you need to fall in love with the person. You need to be able to like them for who they are in general, plus their individual unique traits. Isn’t the relationship so much more fun and evolving when you genuinely like each other? These relationship green flags qualities are the ones you will share with people when they ask you what your partner’s like. And when you do, you should feel the gush of love.
Much like there are some basic quality traits that we DO NOT want in our relationships, there are some that we MUST look out for in our relationships. Here’s sharing some of them.
Book a session with ICF-certified, Relationship Coach, Hemali now to overcome your relationship troubles, as an individual, or as a couple!
Relationship Green Flags
Start ticking on these relationship green flags as and when you observe them in your partner, and if you find a lot of them, then it’s probably worth considering.
1. They fearlessly share their feelings for you
It’s not like they need to express their love to you straight from the start. But if they feel attracted to you, they should be fearless enough to let you they like you. It’s needn’t always be in words. If they’re not verbally expressive, you could look out for their actions like asking you to meet again, staying in touch when away, asking you about your family & friends, taking interest in your life, etc.
2. They treat you well; they treat others well
No one likes a rude, selfish kind of person. When looking for relationship green flags, observe how the person treats you and those around you. If they’re someone who acts with kindness, then they could be someone you could trust. Observe how they treat you when you’re with friends, when alone, when in public, when in a bad mood, especially.
3. They pay attention to the little things
The big gestures don’t last a lifetime. At least, not in your routine lives. They become limited to special days. But when someone focuses on the little things you like and takes care of them, only with the intention to make you happy, that’s special!
For example, they see something in the store that they know you like or cherished in your childhood, and they pick it up for you. Or, they went out to a party but bought you some food on the way back. Or, keeping things tidy when you’re around because that’s just how you like it. Or, leaving a note in your food or texting you to check if you’ve had lunch/taken your medicines. This is life! These are the kind of relationship green flags that you’ve been waiting for all your life.
4. They respect your needs
One of the biggest deal breakers in a healthy relationship is when a partner doesn’t respect your needs. But if you find someone who respects your needs. What needs? Say, suppose, you are someone who likes discussing certain aspects of your lives if it affects the both of you, or you like to receive closure for your fights, your partner should be able to respect it. Even if they are not someone who needs these things, they’ll respect yours, and both of you can find a way to meet both your needs. If you find someone like that, check this on your relationship green flags list.
5. There’s support- even when you don’t expect it
The kind of support your partner can give you is the kind that nobody else can offer to you. Of course, different relationships cater to us by supporting us in different ways. But when you find someone new and are considering tying a long-term relationship with them, and you’re looking for all the relationship green flags, then look if they’re supportive. Do they shun you down when you share dreams? Are they celebrating your milestones? Is there emotional support when you need it?
6. Talking about the future doesn’t scare them
All those people who aren’t looking for anything serious will avoid talking about the future and will even get upset when you mention it. They’ll often talk about, “Let’s see where it goes. You’re thinking way into the future. We aren’t even there yet.” Yes, that’s possible that you probably aren’t there yet, but one of the top relationship green flags is them not getting scared of you mentioning it. And sometime later, you’ll find them talking about their future with you too. It could start with wanting to holiday with you somewhere as far as building a house with you or having kids.
7. They are stable- in every way
There’s no guarantee of a future with someone who isn’t stable, and this is in all sectors of their lives. It could either be in their thoughts, values, moods, feelings, or treatment. We don’t want man children or spoilt princesses in our lives. We’re talking mature relationships here, and while pampering could be a part of your relationship, you need someone serious who understands the depth of a relationship than throwing tantrums with their instability. In short, being stable is one of those relationship green flags that will help you stay in no confusion with regards to the person or relationship.
8. You feel peaceful with them
The people with all the drama will suck all the peace out of your life. But making you feel at peace in your relationship is one of those relationship green flags that you shouldn’t avoid. When you close your eyes and think about the both of you together, how do you feel? Restless or peaceful? Also, do their reactions, behaviors, and everything else make you feel at peace? Or do they make things too difficult for you to understand? These are some questions to consider.
9. They are strongly self-aware
What is a self-aware person? One who knows what they want from life, who they are, where they stand, what they need, and what they need to be to live a fulfilling life. Confused individuals who are rigid about their idea of who they are, are also quick to form judgments about others. Among the many, a self-aware person is one of the relationship green flags you should look out for. They’re open to allowing their life experiences to make a difference in their lives and thereby progress towards growth. And how it benefits you is such aware people will be more open to building awareness in your relationship too.
10. Your values match with theirs
People are different. That’s how it was always meant to be, isn’t it? Hence, different love languages, hobbies, personalities, likes, and dislikes. And that’s okay because it adds adventure and exploration to your lives. But having different value systems can come in the way of a happy relationship. For example, your values include donating money every once in a while, but your partner doesn’t even believe in it. Initially, it might not seem like a problem, but in the future, when you become one in marriage or move in together, it will come in the way.
That said, if you find someone whose values match yours to an extent, it is one of those relationship green flags that are urging you to move ahead.
11. You don’t need to ask them to prioritize you
Now, this is one of those relationship green flags that you need to observe for longer than just when the relationship is new. Over time, people change and stop prioritizing you. It is not the same as getting busy in life or living routine lives. But finding someone from whom you don’t have to beg for your time, whether it is just to hang out or to be there at your special events, that’s the kind of person you want for life.
12. They’re all for empathy
Having empathy in relationships is more important than we imagine. It means being able to relate to each other’s thoughts and emotions. Empathy is the connection that you want to build with your partner, which is the axis of your relationship- the connection. Yet another of the relationship green flags is empathy, as in, they’re able to be in your shoes and imagine what you’re feeling than saying things like, “I don’t understand what you’re saying” or “it’s all in your head.”
If you find more than 80 percent of these relationship green flags in the person you’re seeing, then go ahead. Express your way into it and rock your lives in it. But if you’re struggling in any particular area with your partner or individually in your relationship, then reach out to me for relationship coaching. You can book your session here.
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