Hemali AdhiyaMarriage… the most subjective relationship, and yet blissfully confusing! It’s weird how marrying someone changes everything in life, and yet life and people expect you not to change at all. The more you think about it, the more its complications will suck you in it, so let’s not get into it. But after spending the initial few months together, there comes the awkward conversation of how should married couples split finances? Should you split the responsibilities? Should you go on with the “mine is mine, yours is yours” funda? How to handle finances in a relationship?
“Money” is one of the biggest reasons why couples end up fighting. According to research, it is one of the highest reasons why marriages end. The more money one earns, the more is their spending capacity, and then kicks in the subconscious power and ego control. There’s always the worry about whether married couples split finances, and if yes, what is the best way to do so. When one partner continues to spend their income on home expenses, there are ego clashes after a while. You end up saying things like “my house” and “my car” only because you paid the EMIs. And that’s definitely not okay!
So then, how should married couples split finances in a way that seems fair and is yet not burdensome on either partner? There are several ways of managing money in your marriage so smooth sailing that you never have to think about it until making your next financial decision. Here are some money and marriage tips to help you and your partner cope with this issue.
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How should married couples split finances?
Before answering the question of how should married couples split finances, the bigger question is should married couples split finances at all? And the answer is YES! At the same time, there’s a difference between splitting finances and having the “your money, my money” fights. Married couples should split finances, but that doesn’t mean that you gather the bills and split the amount into an exact half. What’s the point of marrying each other then? You might as well opt for a live-in relationship!
Marriage itself means becoming “one” forever. Only someone who isn’t completely on board with the idea of marriage will continue with your money, my money for life. But mature people who are so into the concept of marriage and togetherness will agree to settle managing finances in a way that makes both partners happy. So, here are some of the things you can do.
1. Don’t Judge Housewives
I know this isn’t a part of how should married couples split finances, but not judging homemakers plays a vital role in financial planning. Hailing from India, there are several households where women are stay-at-home moms who also care for the family, provide healthy meals for everyone, take responsibility for old parents (especially in joint families), and run daily errands.
In such cases, telling your wife, “You’re not earning, don’t keep asking for things is absolutely unfair. You accepted her for who she is and for taking care of so many things, don’t judge her for not earning. Neither of you owes anything to each other. But, marriage means to love and mutual respect, and bringing up how she isn’t an earning member time and again makes you is so hurtful!
2. Your Salary + My Salary = Our Money!
It is unfortunate how couples feel awkward about their money despite living under one roof as one. Unless your jobs require you to live separately, you don’t need to act so cringy around each other’s salaries. Whether you earn it or your partner, once the salary comes in, it the house’s combines income. The more “you” and “I” in a relationship, the more the chances of fights and ego clashes.
Cultivate the habit of using the word “our” in your conversations, especially when it comes to money. This suggestion may not apply to unmarried couples living together, but it is one of our foremost suggestions on how married couples split finances. When making plans for the house, make sure you consider your partner too.
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3. Refrain from Financial Indefility
One of the biggest mistakes couples make when managing their finances is hiding things from one another. And until you don’t learn to trust each other enough, it’s always going to take you down the argumentative road. Is there something like financial infidelity? Yes, there is! All the financial decisions you hide from your partner, the amount you earned, the amount you spent, etc., and you did not tell your partner all fall under this category. Unfortunately, overly independent people who still struggle with the “dividing everything” part of a relationship might not want to share what they earn or where they spend.
“Now I’ve to ask you before I make any purchases?” Well, no. You need NOT ask anyone. It’s your money, and surely your partner trusts you to make the right decisions. But sometimes, just sometimes, we end up spending unnecessarily. And someone who isn’t on the same page will stop you from making that mistake. When married couples split finances, it means your partner should at least be a part of the discussion. That’s not called seeking permission; it’s just being a couple!
Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that you need to call your better half every time you’re making a purchase. If they are minor expenditures like buying some necessary items for yourself or the house, or if you went out for lunch with your colleagues, you can always come back home and casually share. Try keeping big purchases like appliances and other such items to a time when both of you are around each other. This habit will avoid many problems.
Doesn’t this already help understand how should married couples split finances?
4. Start a Joint Account
So, as we said, you should split finances, but not into half! If one partner is earning more than the other, it is only okay to contribute a little more. After all, don’t you love your partner enough to care for one thing extra? It is extremely healthy for married couples to start at least one or two joint accounts for their joint decisions. It is one of the best ways on how married couples split finances. Use one of your joint accounts for monthly expenditures. Once you receive your salaries, put the amount decided in the account for expenditures.
At the same time, it is important to never live only in the present. Your future is awaiting you, and it’s so much more bliss if both of you can save money for the future TOGETHER.
Use a joint account, and try contributing some amount, even if it is a small sum towards your future. Even though this is a money matter, you have no idea how it will make you feel close. Decide on an amount comfortable for both of you, and pool in your money. Plan together what you want to do with that amount. It could either be for something you want to buy, or a trip, or the downpayment for your house. This way, whatever you spend it on will be equally yours! Sound’s awesome?
5. You Still have Right to Use YOUR Money
At the end of the day, all of us have personal needs. Sometimes, you want to buy something like clothes or gift your loved ones, or maybe just spoil your partner with some surprises. All of these require money! When we say to start a joint account, it doesn’t mean you invest your entire salary into that account. Keep that account for monthly expenditures and some for saving. The rest can still be in your account, which you can use whenever you need to make some small purchases. And that’s how married couples split finances and still treasure their independence!
6. Don’t Run Away from Billing Counters
Married couples split finances, agreed, but does that mean they run away from the billing counters when the partner buys something for themselves when out shopping? Where’s the love? Will not marriage become a mere calculation then? When out shopping, you still have personal money! Who said you should buy something for your partner only on special days? If you’re out shopping and are so in love with your husband/wife, and they like something, buy it! Having independent earnings doesn’t mean you cannot spoil your better half!
Several working women complain of how their partners never buy them anything or spoil them with anything knowing their wives can afford it. On the other hand, many men complain that they like being spoiled by their wives too. Both of you aren’t asking for anything extraordinary!
When shopping, if you like a shirt your husband will like, pick it up! That doesn’t require financial planning. If anything, it will only make him feel special, which he deserves to feel! Simultaneously, just because women can now afford to buy anything they want in life doesn’t mean they want to buy everything for themselves. You have no idea how much she’s going to blush when you buy her something out of the occasion, only because you LOVE her.
7. NEVER discuss your finances in front of others
Your finance is your problem. It is something that only you and your partner should discuss. Don’t let others intervene in your matters. What you do with your money, where you spend it, and why one person is always seen spending all their money is nobody else’s concern. Probably, you guys adjust that amount somewhere else. And probably, you just wanted to treat your wife or husband to a lovely dinner, simply because you wanted to spend time with her/him. Your money, your life, your marriage, YOUR RULES!
8. Talk Money
It becomes really uncomfortable for one partner when the other partner never discusses financial plans and still expects financial contributions. Married couples split finances because they understand the concept of togetherness, not because one is more powerful, and so they get to make decisions for both of them. When planning something, discuss it with your partner. But what should you discuss exactly? Discuss how you plan to pay for it, how you would like some help in taking over some responsibilities to balance this added but important expenditure, and completely avoid the “I will take care of it. We will manage” kind of conversation.
Of course, you will manage it, but how you want to manage money is a discussion that both deserve to know before spending it! Please sit down and talk about it. Your partner will probably have a fabulous idea to manage the expenditure, maybe an idea better than yours. 🙂
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No matter what, don’t make your marriage about money. It is just a fragment of the lovely relationship you have with your partner. Discuss how much each can take up, and fulfilling those commitments equates with your 50-50 relationship. Make your marriage all about love! Surprise your partners with whatever you can afford for them, and don’t make that a part of your monthly budgets. Save together, invest together, and spend together.
Marriage is all about togetherness! Don’t let money overpower the divinity and sanctity of this relationship. Married couples split finances, not emotions. Marriage means sharing the burden, not feeling like one. It’s deep if you think about it! <3
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