Hemali AdhiyaWe always end up labeling the extremely expressive lot of humans as “emotional people.” If only we take a reality check to realize that every one of us wraps a plethora of emotions. Only that, some are better at hiding it behind the sheath of flesh. What I am saying is, the intensity, the trigger and the expression of emotions depend from person to person. So to start with, let us agree to rephrase, that some are very emotional, and some are less emotional, but these feelings exist in all.
That said, very emotional people experience a lot of differences in their relationships as opposed to others. I, for one, fall in the category of people who thinks from the heart and implement from the mind. So yes, I belong to the bracket of people who reign on the higher side of emotions. Surviving in relationships with two people on two different ends of this sentiment thermometer comes with its set of issues. Although, I come from the faith that when we truly love someone, issues are nothing but a way to understand one another better. There is always a way to tackle them amicably and compassionately.
Positive people often look for ways to resolve issues apart from just putting a finger on them. The tips that go with each of these problems in our article come from my diary of “trial & error,” which I use to exercise self-control in my life. Not all may work for you as it is; you will have to moderate these practices to fit your life.
Emotional People & their Problems in Relationships
Just to be clear, when I say, “people on the higher side of emotions”, I am referring to those who experience a rush of sentiments and feel helpless about it.
1. Feeling Misunderstood
Two people aren’t the same. Most times, those in relationships often end up with someone completely opposite as far as personality and nature are concerned. Emotional people often tend to feel misunderstood in their relationships because they do not understand what it is to think without involving emotions. They often find trouble understanding their partners who come from a practical space. Even though most times the practical side is right, dealing with that truth becomes a challenge for those who put feelings before everything else.
Those who stay on the lower end of emotions are not always able to understand their emotional partners. For example, the emotional person would say, “You know, you should call my parents too once a week.” On the other hand, the lesser emotional people would find it unnecessary to do something like that regularly since they feel it “should come from within.” Here is where misunderstandings creep in, with one feeling pushed, and the other feeling misunderstood.
The emotionally intense one feels more misunderstood for why their partner would find a want “pushy,” and the cycle goes on.
Coping Tip:
- Choose the right moment before speaking and avoid using words like “must” or “should.” Find better ways of putting across your emotion making it seem like a normal conversation.
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2. The “Space” Dilemma
When both partners decide to willingly make their relationship work, they need to step into the depth of understanding their loved one. Highly emotional people usually want to feel the warmth from the one they love on bad days or after fights. They find it hard to cope when their partner gives them unwanted space because it is their need. This is one of the biggest differences between high & low-intensity emotional people.
Additionally, the emotional ones also do not like giving space after a fight or on bad days because they want to be there for their partner. They feel uncomfortable with the feeling of leaving their love in a bad state, even though this is what the latter wants. The chances of such situations blowing out of proportion and ending in fights are high.
Coping Tips:
- This tip is for both partners. The emotional one should stop feeling guilty about not being there when their partner wants to deal with their issue alone. Trust me when I say, they will take some space and come running right back to you and share their feelings.
- The lesser emotional partner should learn that their partner’s needs are different. They DO NOT want the space, so try and be there for them when they are upset or cranky.
These tips ensure a two-way process of giving one another what they want.
3. To do or not to do
The people on the emotionally elevated end often feel confused about what they should do and what not in their relationships. Their swaying emotions and their partner’s practical needs always make them question all their actions. “What if he/she doesn’t like this?”, “What if he/she thinks I overdid it again?”, “Does he/she really need this from me?” Such questions bother, stress, and exhaust the restless beings. They fear the reaction to their actions so much after about a hundred fights, that they do not feel free with their emotions anymore.
Coping Tips:
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- Fear lesser and do lesser. Until you do not find your partner accepting of everything you do for them, shift to a low-profile routine. After many fights, step into a realm of confidence in the things he/she likes and does not like. Don’t doubt yourself too much.
- Their partners should allow their emotional lover to feel free. So what if they did something you didn’t like? It all comes from a place of love.
4. Giving and Receiving
Emotional people love “giving.” It could be in the form of support, time, gifts, or anything else for that matter, as far as it makes their partner happy. They are the kind of people who find happiness in giving. But, they also love receiving. When their lesser emotional partner is not able to reciprocate with the same, it leads to feelings of hurt. Of course, when one does not feel like giving something, they shouldn’t feel forced to do so. Yet, there lies the challenge of not stepping into a battle zone because of this difference. Additionally, it leads to feelings of loneliness, feeling unloved, and even sadness.
Coping Tips:
- Regularly tell yourself regularly, that what you do is your deal, and what your partner does is theirs. You give so much because it is your need, not your partner’s. You cannot expect your partner to do the same for you if he/she isn’t like you. Here’s what to do instead, use all of that time, gifts, etc. on yourself the next time you feel you are going out of the way. See how happy it will make you. Not every time, but, keep a check on the moments when you feel you are going out of the way, and take a step back. Control the urge by doing the same for you.
- The partners, on the other hand, should make an attempt to make their loved ones feel appreciated for their efforts. Sometimes, it is not necessary to return in the same manner. Sweet words, praises, and compliments work wonders too!
5. Emotions & Sex
For the lesser emotional people, it is easy to step into varied moods without carrying much baggage. But that isn’t the case with the highly emotional ones. Their mind and body do not lose connection, which is why physical love cannot follow after a fight without closure. Emotional people find it very hard to have sex or involve in any other physical form of love with their partners after intense fights. They require talking about the fight, finding a way to avoid the same fight again, and giving it closure. If not, they will feel a sense of disconnect, enough to worsen matters.
Coping Tips:
- My tip is for the lesser emotional partner when it comes to this problem. If you are in a relationship with someone who is on the higher-emotional side, it is best to accept this issue and deal with it accordingly. Give yourself the required time to cool down, and try and resolve the issue before you ask for physical love.
- The emotional partner should try to let go of a little more easily than now.
I am sure many will relate to these basic problems. You might not agree with all of my tips, but it all starts with recognizing the problem at hand. If you are able to do that, then a solution will come to you automatically. In all of these, both partners need to remember “Communication is the key.” Emotionally high or not, speaking about it is like winning over every issue before it transforms into a fight.
But if matters become a little too intense for you to handle on your own, reach out to me, an ICF-certified Relationship Coach. With the help of these coaching sessions, you can try and overcome your emotional feelings, learn how to control for the sake of your happier mental health, and deal with these emotions in your relationship. To book a discovery call, click here.
If you wish to work on it as a couple, so there are lesser reasons to argue or misunderstand one another, you could opt for Couple’s Coaching, with a common goal of being able to understand each other better.
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