Hemali AdhiyaAre they just possessive or are you in a relationship with a clingy partner? There’s a fragile line between the two and crossing this line ends up in unhealthy, toxic, and suffocating relationships. Being clingy or needy isn’t a bad thing only when it’s momentary or during a specific physical or emotional situation. But that’s not the same as being clingy all the time. We all know better by now that at this age that clinginess could be suffocating. There are things we need to do on our own, and even if a couple lives in the same house, there are ways you can give and take space.
A clingy partner could have undergone a lot in the past or in this very relationship to behave the way they do. There’s always a reason for our behavioral patterns. Like, they could have undergone loneliness while growing up, been cheated before, seen or heard something that makes them insecure, and the like. And when you think about it individually, it is sad. But when you shift your perspective to being in a relationship, a clingy partner means stress.
When in a relationship, both partners should know that they cannot cause stress to either partner. Even the past triggers aren’t an excuse because it is like baggage that you’re carrying into the next relationship. There’s always a way to overcome those insecurities, but turning into a clingy partner or excusing your partner for being clingy. It seems cute and as though your partner is possessive in the beginning, but over time, it becomes suffocating.
A relationship is about two individuals coming together. But togetherness doesn’t mean you forget who you really are and give up on being you or seeking your space. It’s best when two individuals feel at their best selves with one another, and that cannot happen when you have enough personal time to do your own things. But that isn’t possible with a clingy partner, is it?
In this post, I’ll share some visible signs of a clingy partner. If you relate to one or more of these, promise to not panic. Breathe, and think about the intensity of the clinginess. If it is mild or only occasional, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s probably just one of the moods. But if you find that any of these behaviors have become traits that are high in intensity, suffocating, or repetitive, there is something to fix. I’ll also leave you with tips on dealing with a clingy partner.
10 Signs of a Clingy Partner
1. Jealous to another level
Jealousy is fine. It’s cute, actually, if you think about it. But that’s only when it is to an extent. Feeling hurt when you compliment someone else, praise someone else, work with someone who is attractive or is of the opposite gender, etc. are all signs of excessive jealousy. And a clingy partner who is excessively jealous will have very visible reactions like screaming, becoming violent, silent treatment, incessant crying, pushing you into a guilt trip, and in some extreme cases, even self-harming activities.
2. Space isn’t a concept
A clingy partner will not and does not understand the concept of space. Such partners have a very different ideology of how a relationship works. It is all about doing everything and going everywhere together. You know those times when you’re both at home together but still have the space to do your own thing, like read a book, watch a show, or simply lay? A clingy partner will not allow that to happen either, because you’re supposed to do everything together.
3. They leave their single world behind
We all live in a different world when single. There are friends to meet, relatives to catch up with, work parties to attend, and hobbies to follow. But for a clingy partner, everything changes for them. So, they’ll leave their single world behind. Yes, things change. The time you spent with your friends will be split from the time you spend with your partner. That isn’t wrong. But absolutely leaving everyone and everything behind only so you can be with your partner 24/7 is the sign of a clingy partner.
4. Wanting to stay in touch all the time
When you are together, a clingy partner would want to remain stuck by your side. You know like jumping into bed when you want to fall asleep, running to the balcony if you wish to spend a few moments alone, or even force cuddling all the time when watching television. Nothing changes even when they are away. They want to stay in touch all the time through text or call. Knowing where each other is is not wrong. But wanting to know where your partner is every second of the day is stressful, and a clingy partner like that is absolutely difficult to handle.
5. Phone privacy is non-existent
A clingy partner will never be able to trust you enough that you will remain loyal to them. Their clinginess will urge them to look into your phone all the time with the will to know who you are chatting with or talking to all the time. They would also want the opposite person to know they are with you during the chat or call, making the present felt and count.
6. Oh so Insecure!
If you are in a clingy partner relationship, you might have to invest more effort into investing in the relationship. Your partner would need constant reassurance of your love for them because they feel insecure about little things. There’s never an idea what would trigger them, or rather who would trigger them. The insecurity would be too much to deal with after a while, and you might feel stuck on the web.
7. You cannot go without them
Sometimes, you have places to go, where you cannot take your partner. Of course, this doesn’t mean you exclude your partner from all friends or colleagues. If you’re going away on a work trip and can spare some days to spend there with your partner, make use of that time than being rigid about making it ONLY a work trip. But there are some events or places you have to go alone and your clingy partner will not let that happen.
8. Claiming the relationship EVERYWHERE
Social media has already given us the option to make our private lives public. That’s precisely what a clingy partner will take advantage of. They’ll want to let everyone know that you are theirs and are taken. It only adds to the point of insecurity because they want the world to know how you are already in a loving relationship and there is no space for anyone else. All of this comes from clinginess.
There are a lot of other minor signs of a clingy partner you can observe. For example, trying to control all the plans for the both of you, behaving according to your emotional pattern, taking a step back from the relationship every time they are hurt by you asking for space, keeping a check on your actions, and sometimes, even crossing the limit of tracking or tracing you. A clingy partner relationship is only going to become more toxic by the day. And a toxic relationship is not what you need, anyway!
Let’s also take a look at how we can deal with a clingy partner.
How to deal with a clingy partner?
I’ve always maintained and I always do that there’s nothing we cannot overcome in life. Of course, there’s a limit to how many times you are overcoming the same things in the relationship. But it’s possible that one of these ideas might help you deal with a clingy partner.
1. Set clear boundaries
The moment you notice signs of clinginess in your partner, and start feeling like it is getting a little too much to handle, you need to start setting your boundaries in action. For example, you’ll have to start claiming your space and speaking up for the things you need right in the beginning so the habit discontinues immediately and neither of you doesn’t go too deep into the emotions.
For more help, you can read our article on “Setting boundaries in relationships- the how’s and why’s” with tips from a psychologist.
2. Find their triggers
Look, every relationship comes with a little effort, doesn’t it? If you really love the person and know some things could trigger them and make them clingy, act accordingly. For example, if you know that your sudden announcement of going out with friends might upset your partner, break the news with love. There’s always another way of expressing it. You can always make it up to them until they start understanding you better and trusting you more. The more you take care of their triggers, the easier will be their transition to feel less insecure and clingy. Until then, you’ll have to be less angry and more patient.
3. Sit down and talk it out
When things get too much to handle with your clingy partner, all that’s left to do is sit down and talk it out, but calmly. You have to explain where you’re feeling suffocated and how some of their behaviors make you feel suffocated. Be calm when you explain, and make sure they don’t feel triggered during the conversation. Ask them, “What can I do for you to feel better or less insecure?” “Is there anything I do that makes you feel more anxious about trusting me?” Don’t throw the entire blame on them and term them a “clingy partner.”
4. Be empathetic
The above communication is not possible if you are not empathetic as a person. If you love someone, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship without empathy. Understand where they are coming from, and know the source of their triggers. That way you will know how to frame the conversation you want to have with them. Practice empathy in relationships in a manner that can save the relationship and its overlaying issues.
5. Play a supportive role
Don’t make your clingy partner overcome their clinginess all at once. Let them do it step-by-step, and appreciate their little milestones. For example, if the amount of time they can stay from texting you is half an hour, and they’re able to make the change to two hours, appreciate them for it. Tell them how good they’re doing. Reach out to them yourself so they know you missed them so it doesn’t feel like you wanted to get rid of them but only needed space. Let them undergo a disciplined process, and hold hands while they do.
6. Seek help from a relationship coach
Sometimes, it becomes difficult to deal with issues on your own. You are either afraid to upset your partner or are afraid of the confrontation in itself. There’s also the fear of losing your partner or the relationship breaking. When things or fears are this extreme, you might want to seek professional help. Reach out to a relationship coach as a couple or as two individuals, and overcome this issue so you become stronger together. It is worth spending time fixing things with someone you love than letting it go in the long run or feeling suffocated.
Do what you do with love. Let your relationships be happier and healthier, so you don’t have to over compromise or lose the one you love. A clingy partner does not always indicate a breakup. There are ways to fix it, and I’ve already shared them with you. Look at the situation by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and deal with the situation accordingly. Be sensitive towards their feelings and then prepare your plan of action for dealing with them. Let it be gradual and kind!
You can also reach out to me for professional relationship coaching by booking your session here: https://booking.appointy.com/en-US/coachhemali/bookings/service
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