Hemali AdhiyaAn eggshells relationship? What even is that? Do you agree with me that a relationship is supposed to be that safe space where you get to be completely you, and your partner loves you for that? Do I hear a “yes”? Well, then you’re sure someone who SHOULD NEVER be comfortable with what is called an eggshells relationship. Before jumping into understanding what this kind of a relationship means and why you shouldn’t be in one, understand this- You deserve love and a partner for your flawed self. If they’re looking for perfection, they should try on another planet, but definitely not in this world.
What is walking in an eggshells relationship?
So, imagine you see eggshells lying somewhere. Would you walk on it without worrying about either cracking them or hurting your foot? You would be careful about not breaking the shells any further or hurting yourself. Walking in an eggshells relationship is just like that, only the partner is the delicate eggshell. They can either break or hurt. You have to NOT BE yourself around them lest you unleash the hidden side that has been steaming in anger for so long.
You are forever scared, worried, and anxious. A simple conversation can turn into a heated argument. Isn’t that too toxic to handle?
If this makes you worry about being in such a relationship, take a look at these signs. They are all visible signs, and if you notice them, then it is time you fix the situation for good. Over time, the situation only becomes more intense unless you work on changing things right now.
Are you walking in an Eggshells Relationship?
10 Visible Signs
1. You are a self-doubting mess!
No matter what you decide, think, or plan, that self-doubting monster in you creeps in and ruins everything you’ve got going. But there is a reason why this happens, and if you are walking in an eggshells relationship, the reason is NOT you, but your partner. It developed with constant criticism of everything you did, and now it has gotten so deep, that you cannot help but second guess your wonderful thoughts. Meditate on this, does it happen to you a lot?
2. The unpredictability scares you
One of the strongest visible signs of walking in an eggshells relationship is unpredictability. Your partner will be so unpredictable, that you can never expect the reactions. It could be anything, and mostly negative. One time, something you do might make you happy, but at other times, they will be loud and overreactive. Living in that kind of fear, where there is uncertainty in a simple reaction, what do you think is the certainty of the relationship lasting long? Being with someone so unpredictable means you are also in a relationship with a controlling partner.
3. Equality is non-existent
How can a relationship where there is no certainty and the primary emotion of one of the partners is fear have even a hint of equality? If you feel insignificant or unequal, then you are in what we call an eggshells relationship. Everything that happens is based on the partner’s mood and reactions, and that means only being doing what they want you to do. It hurts to break this down, but that is NOT equality.
4. Feeling humiliated
Imagine feeling humiliated and then being afraid to even bring it up. Because we all know how that conversation will go. “You’re just overthinking this. Do you not know me at all? That’s not what I meant.” And then, of course, the rage follows. When walking in an eggshells relationship, humiliation takes the place of respect, and that is the most hurtful part. Are you continuously afraid of getting humiliated by your partner?
5. The never-ending tension
Walking in an eggshells relationship is like feeling heavy in the head all the time. The tension about the reactions that will come, the anger, the abuse, the humiliation, always keeps you hanging by the thread. You don’t know what could happen when and which simple joke will turn into a war of words. It doesn’t feel nice living that way, does it?
6. You worry about upsetting your partner
We all feel upset and at some times even upset our partners. I’ve already established, that this isn’t a perfect world and being with anyone means having the space for flaws. But an eggshells relationship will steal that right from you. The worry reaches a point when you finally choose silence over ever speaking your heart, because, you never know, “what if I upset him/her?”
7. Trust? What Trust?
We all know that a relationship that lacks trust simply lacks. What else is the building block then? And when I say trust, it doesn’t necessarily mean cheating, physical or emotional. This point links with the point of self-doubt. The constant criticism and the lack of trust in the things you do lead to self-doubt. But lack of trust does make you feel like you are walking in an eggshells relationship. When your partner does not let you feel good about yourself, it isn’t a happy feeling.
8. Building a mood monitor
I agree, that for some things, the timing has to be right. But do you always have to check with your partner’s mood before bringing anything up? That means the relationship is all about them. Sometimes, it also happens that both of your moods are bad, but it is only your partner’s mood that takes precedence. You cannot practically build a mood monitor where you track your partner’s mood all the time, especially when they are as unpredictable as in an eggshells relationship.
9. Directing your actions
Say you are sitting among people, being you, lost in a conversation. Or simply being you. But your controlling partner will direct your actions. Their glares, their pointed fingers, and their expressions will act as a nor-verbal guide to how you should behave and what you shouldn’t say. I mean, is that even fair? That you cannot be you? An eggshells relationship is surely not something you want to exist in, isn’t it?
10. Impulsive Behavior
Being in an eggshells relationship means expecting the impulsive out of nowhere. You don’t know what your partner will decide to do, and dare they ask your opinion about it. Sometimes, it may be something they want to do for you or sometimes for themselves. But it keeps you in the fear that you are working on eggshells. “What if they suddenly come? What if they spend this money? What if this upsets them?”
Accept that you have been living this way if you relate to these signs. And then seek help. The help could come from your inner circle, a professional, or from within you. Decide if you want to continue this way or put an end to this once and for all. It would also help if you start speaking up for yourself and expressing how you feel to your partner on one of the good days.
If none of this works out, there’s no explanation needed on how you should choose YOU right now before you lose your identity forever. There’s nobody who can take the actions you can take to protect yourself from the scars of self-doubt, loss of identity, and the terrible hurt of walking on eggshells all the time. You deserve better than walking in an eggshells relationship, and deep down, you know it too!
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