Hemali AdhiyaWhen you finally decide to pop the big question or prepare to say, “yes,” it indicates you are ready to move into life’s next phase. Wedding styles differ, but if there’s one thing that ironically remains the same is how every marriage requires knowing your partner well. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know details like their first crush or their first pet’s name. It’s the kind of knowledge you need to make your marriage work. And that’s why you need to ask some important questions to ask before marriage!
With marriage come a lot of responsibilities, compromises, and understanding. How do you know what your partner expects of you, where you need to compromise, and which things you should let go of if you don’t have some important questions answered? And these are just the small things. There are bigger important questions to ask before marriage that could make or break your future. While such questions are more personal, there are some basic questions that you shouldn’t miss.
Which are they? Let’s take a look at the 8 most important questions to ask before marriage.
8 Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage
1. Financial Arrangement
Whether you like it or not, money does play a part in everyone’s lives. How much your partner earns, if they want to live as a homemaker, how much can you spend, how much do each of you save, how do you want to split financial responsibilities after marriage, a backup plan for hard times, if your partner agrees to some financial arrangements for a time when either of you loses a job or when you’re expecting a baby. All of these are some important questions to ask before marriage.
Skipping such questions creates misunderstandings in the longer run. You might think that your partner will automatically understand that you should split finances when both are earning members, while one might think that now I don’t need to look after myself; my partner earns more than me. You can avoid the fights, hurt feelings, and so much if you’re both on the same financial page.
You can check out our article on How should Married couples split finances to help you deal with this issue.
2. Children or no children?
Not everyone sees themselves as parents, while some cannot wait to have babies in their homes. It helps to have a conversation or ask your partner about their wishes on having or not having children. Jumping into a life-long commitment without knowing that your partner doesn’t want children at all and then regretting the decision is heartbreaking. Ask questions like if they love kids, if they wish to have one someday, how many, what kind of parent they dream to become, etc.
A relationship as such that leads to a family cannot do with talking about kids. And that’s why it is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage.
3. How much space do you need?
Every person’s idea of a marriage is different. If you don’t have the space to talk, you’re only going to end up screaming at each other after a while or end up getting bored of each other. Ask your partner how they’d like to manage life and space after living in one house without the option of walking out on each other. After all, that’s the difference between a live-in relationship and a marriage.
It’s good to talk about how much time you need a part, what your partner expects when they’re having their me-time, etc. To avoid getting into each other’s space, asking how much space you need and when is an important question to ask before marriage.
4. How much will the families have a say?
Families will always be important, married or not. They shouldn’t feel excluded when you start a new life. But at the same time, should both your families have a say in every decision you guys make? No. To an extent, it’s fine. It’s like giving them respect for their years of experience in life. But too much of a say feels suffocating. Having the in-laws decide a lot for you is frustrating. No man would like his in-laws to keep interfering in their daughter and his personal decisions. Similarly, no woman would like her in-laws to make decisions on her lifestyle either.
Asking your partner about their idea about this and finding a way to respectfully keep family involvements to the extent you both find comfortable is vital. Make sure to include this question in the list of important questions to ask before marriage.
5. Views, Faith, and Religious beliefs
It doesn’t always happen that you find someone who has the same views, faith, or religious belief as you. In such situations, there should always be freedom for both of you to follow whichever faith or belief you both want without interfering or disrespecting each other. Ask your partner about their faith, if they are willing to accompany you on festivals if they’re okay with you holding such celebrations in your house, and the like.
You can survive in a house with two people having different faiths and religious beliefs. But you cannot survive in a house where you don’t know it and end up fighting about it. Faith and religion is so personal, and therefore it should be one of the questions you ask before marriage.
6. Are you going to include me in your decisions?
The concept of marriage means becoming one. Therefore, most partners expect that they make important decisions together. But if your partner is someone who’s always been independent and has never got the chance to include others in their decisions, then it’s a problem. But, a problem you can fix by asking if they will include you in their decisions. Not the small, but big decisions required being on the same page.
Isn’t it so much better to ask this too among the other important questions to ask before marriage than feeling left out or unimportant later?
7. What’s your idea of quality time?
It’s so boring when your partner lives in the routine of returning home from work, watching television while having dinner, using the phone for hours, hitting the bed, and then claiming they did it all with you; so, it’s quality time! You don’t have to do something special, meet friends, or go out every day to spend quality time. But it should match your idea of what quality time is. Maybe you like cooking together and talking whilst doing it every once in a while. Or, you enjoy throwing the phones aside and catching up on your days when in bed.
Asking about what quality time means to your partner and sharing yours is a light question you can slip between conversations. Nonetheless, it still is one of the important questions to ask before marriage.
8. Is it okay to be honest?
There’s nothing better than an honest relationship. Without hurting each other, there’s still a lot you can say when you feel like your need isn’t met or you’re uncomfortable about something. Whether it is a sexual preference or discomfort with one of your partner’s habit, if you have the freedom to express it, you’re marriage will hit lesser rocky paths. More than that, it will make you feel so relieved by letting go of the things you would otherwise have to keep in your heart.
If you’re someone who can be honest yourself, it is safe to make this a part of the important questions to ask before marriage.
Marriages are beautiful when you both can agree that you’re different individuals, and communication is key. There’s so much more to ask your partner before tying the knot. Questions like personal interests, how they’d like to handle their marriage during disagreements, and what they’d like to do in life after achieving their goals. But we believe these questions above are the 8 most important questions to ask before marriage.
Don’t let fear hold you back. And if your partner’s answers make you uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to express how you felt about it. A moment of argument is better than a lifetime of disagreements.
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