What relationship rules? Should you even have any? Well, yes and no, to be honest. When thinking about rules in a relationship, I cannot help but remember the movie Sex and the City 2, where Carrie and Big decided to make their own rules for their marriage and not let society teach them what’s best. And that’s how it should be. No sooner do we get into an official relationship than people start showering us with their unsolicited suggestions on what we should do now, do next, and do undoubtedly.
Who made the rules? NOBODY! Then why are we talking about relationship rules? Here’s the deal!
I agree that every relationship should create its own rules. Those that are curated towards the partners in THAT relationship and not all relationships in common. We should all get to decide how we want to take our next step, and that shouldn’t be the same for all. For example, one couple might decide not to have kids ever, and that’s just who they are. And that shouldn’t be a problem for the rest of the world. This is how the couple decides to live, and we should respect it.
When I say relationship rules, I mean the basics. Several times, in trying to achieve the bigger things, we tend to forget the basics of every relationship. These rules needn’t be personalized to each relationship but are common to all. They’re those little things without which the foundation of a relationship remains shaken. Call it rules, or call it needs, but they’re important in EVERY relationship.
Let’s take a look at the most basic relationship rules without which any relationship feels incomplete or lacking.
Relationship Rules Couples MUST Follow
1. Honesty is still the BEST policy
Isn’t it? One of the most basic relationship rules we must follow is to remain honest in our relationships. The moment we start hiding things or lying, there’s something that’s already going long. Either fear, an affair, disinterest, or anything else, all of which become red flags. But staying honest helps build trust and bonds.
2. Respect with all your heart
I’ve seen couples who cannot remain respectful to each other even when with others. It makes me wonder how they would speak to each other when alone. No matter how terrible the situation or hurt you’re feeling, one of you has to take the high way and wait until you’re alone. That’s just being respectful, of each other and your relationship. Whether it is something your partner does, believes, or follows, if it’s important to them, you ought not to disrespect it or them. Disrespect is against relationship rules of all kinds, basic or personalized.
3. Accept each other for who you are
Trying to change your partner or them expecting you to change for them is the worst. Over time, the real person will gnaw its way out of all the chains, and it’s not going to be a pleasant outburst. We’re all flawed, and the more we fall in love with our flawed selves, the easier it is to accept our partners for who they are. You might say this is one of those relationship rules that avoid arguments over little things, knowing that’s just a part of your partner. In the bigger picture, he/she is a love machine! (;-))
4. Space is important- individual and together
Space is very important. Giving and receiving individual space is one of those basic relationship rules without which one feels smothered. We all need time to do something we want to do by ourselves. Respecting such boundaries of space is necessary so you don’t feel like somebody else over a period of time.
Similarly, it is also necessary to respect and appreciate the space you create for your relationship. There should be space to share, acknowledge, space to discuss, and do everything else that makes us feel like a significant other.
5. Don’t compromise on Intimacy- Physical and Emotional!
I wrote an entire article on the types and importance of intimacy in relationships. You can update yourself with the entire series here:
They’ll give you a clear idea about how intimacy is a must in every relationship because life could be dull without it. It’s that feeling of belongingness, closeness, bond, and love that we feel for our partners. It’s a wholesome connection that one can feel from their heart, mind, and soul. Intimacy is one of those relationship rules that both partners have to be equally invested in to build and maintain intimacy.
6. Empathy is Healthy
Empathy in relationships is that powerful and magical feeling that can transform the most argumentative relationships into ones of peace and comfort. Relationships are all about connections. The deeper the connection, the deeper the bond, and the deeper every other aspect of the relationship. Clearly, it becomes a part of the most basic relationship rules because we simply cannot do without it. A relationship without empathy is one without depth.
7. Appreciate, Acknowledge, and Celebrate
Don’t take your partners for granted. Appreciate the things they do for you. Acknowledge the little things. And celebrate every small and big milestone. Spending more time together makes us appreciate the things our partner does lesser. It may be routine, regular stuff, but the moment we stop appreciating it, boredom sets in. Acknowledge their presence, appreciate the little things, and celebrate all small & big moments.
Milestones for relationships? It’s a rare thought, but a very successful one. If you need a coach to do that, book a session with me now!
8. Be your true and best self
You may not get to be yourself at work or in other social groups. But when with your partner, you should both always be your true and best selves. Hiding your true personality or not being completely your real, fun self could really come in the way of building what could otherwise be a healthy and happy relationship.
These relationship rules are powerful, yet so basic. These apply to all. Beyond these, form your own relationship rules. Enjoy your relationship on your own terms where things are just how you BOTH like it.
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